Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ambulance Chasing

I don't talk about work here. There's a DAMN GOOD reason for that. And I'm not going to start now. I AM however going to talk some serious smack about the BS I've been hearing from my coworkers in the last few weeks of this pregnancy in hopes that some of you will either a) TOTALLY RELATE or b) learn what NOT to say to a woman who is 9 months pregnant.

#1: "When's your last day at work?"

How about this: WHEN I GO INTO LABOR. Don't look so horrified.

#2: "Are you just OVER IT already?!"

Nope. Actually. I feel fine. SORRY TO DISAPPOINT, and all.

#3: "You look like you're ready to explode!"

What primitive back recess of your brain told you this was a "good" thing to say?

#4: "Did you hear that story about how (insert horrible thing here) happened to some woman who was in labor / having a csection"

Really? REALLY?! STFU!!!

#5: "Are you sure it isn't twins?"

There's that primitive back recess of your brain, acting up again.

In other words, when confronted with a heavily pregnant woman, most people's brains turn to slush. Which is PRETTY DAMN FUNNY considering that pregnant women themselves are the butt of so many slush brain jokes. Sorry, but I've been pregnant for 9 months now and I've NEVER said anything as stupid as items 1-5 above. I'm not losing brain cells, everyone around me is.

The thing that bugs me the most is that people don't seem concerned about my welfare or about Bean's . . . they're just hoping to hear me complain. They WANT horror stories about swollen ankles, hemeroids and peeing 5x a night. Sorry to fuck with your world view guys, but I'm not a psychotic hormonal trainwreck.

Rant fin.


Boy's office had a shower for us on Friday which was awesome and especially fun for me because I used to work with him . . . so I got to see a bunch of my old friends. After the shower we ran to the hospital to see my friend who just had her baby (Same hospital! Same doctor!) and I can't even tell you how much it helped to sit and talk to her about her experience and see her gorgeous baby girl. Hospital tours are great and all, but actually hanging out in a recovery room with a friend who just had her baby was PRICELESS in terms of easing apprehension and making us feel more prepared for the experience to come.

We spent the rest of the weekend inventing things to do to prepare for the Bean. We are so ready it is almost funny. Saturday I thought "Well, I GUESS we could go to Target and buy more diapers" then "Well, I GUESS we could go to Best Buy and pick up a little CD player for his room". We're making stuff up at this point . . . I guess that's better than scrambling though!

The laundry is done, the room is all set, we have diapers and baby shampoo and toys and books.

And pretty darn soon we're going to have a baby.


Nutsy Coco said...

Sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, I think co-workers just feel the need to make senseless comments in general. My officemate got a really big dry erase board to track a bunch of info and you'd think people have NEVER SEEN a freaking dry erase board before!!

Congrats on being so prepared!

KT said...

Hurrah! So, so close.

I'm so happy to hear about the NOT complaining. When did it become unacceptable to like being pregnant?

Cayt said...

You look totally awesome, I don't know what your crazy co-workers are complaining about. I think it might be the equivalent of misery-porn.

(Hi, by the way, I've been reading for a while but not commented before, I think. First found my way here via Swistle, if I recall correctly)

Kathy said...

You look fantastic, your coworkers are crazy!

Just a note about the baby shampoo: you don't really need it... my SIL hasn't used it on her kids and they have the most gorgeous hair. The oldest one is 3 and a half. Their hair just gets rinsed with they have a bath. Just thought I'd let you know!

Jane said...

I have loved reading your pregnancy posts *because* you are so excited, happy, healthy etc...

I get really frustrated with people who over complain. We all complain some, but really, there so many people who are lonely, unemployed, sick etc... who would happily take our life experiences over the *true* problems they have.

Blessings to you!

Paige said...

It's Paige, Natalie's friend - she just told me about your blog, and I loved this post! I had similar experiences when I was pregnant, this one being the most notable:

I really wanted to smack that fool.
Congratulations and have a great birth!