Monday, December 22, 2008

How not to fix a fire alarm

At about 5am last night our bedroom fire alarm launched into the most OBNOXIOUS screeching I've ever heard in my life. Seriously, NOT COOL. Yes, I get it, an alarm should be capable of waking me up (check!) but if there actually had been some sort of fire then HELLO! YES! I KNOW! ON FIRE! and generally there is really no need for the god-awful shrieking to continue.

As it happens there was NOT a fire. Also, as it happens, our bedroom ceilings are REALLY FREAKING HIGH. And because boy and I are clearly both mensa candidates, the ONE FECKING LADDER we had we recently gave to my brother in law. My boy's dad has promised to get us a new ladder for Christmas, but being the 21st we were pretty much SOL (Shit Out of Ladder).

After having dragged at least four different chairs into our room and having determined that their seats are all exactly the same height (what is UP with that?!), we realized that no matter the chair, boy was doomed to be 3 feet short of the alarm. Thats when he took a deep breath and looked at me . . .I expected him to say "Lets just sleep in the second bedroom" or "Maybe we won't be able to hear it if we go upstairs?", but no. What he actually said was "I guess you're going to have to get on my shoulders".

I did a quick bit of groggy 5am math and told him that we'd STILL be short a good three feet, to which he replied by looking warily at one of the chairs.

"NO NO NO NO NO! I AM NOT DOING THAT"

And then the shrieky chirping started up again and I changed my mind.

So go ahead and picture if you will: Boy and I in our pajamas at 5am, me on his shoulders clutching his hair for balance, and him gingerly climbing on top of our red damask bench so I can reach the fecking alarm.

That image was your Christmas present. I hope you like it.

8 comments:

Beans said...

I know that you probably werent at 100% brain capacity that early but why didnt you THROW something at it?
Non breakable of course. Shoe maybe?

Brenda said...

Oh, Yes. Next time start waving a towel to move the air around. Did it just need it's battery replaced? My carbon monixide sensor went off yesterday, during the day, and I went around opening doors and was just trying to move the air... ya, it never did shut up. So, I removed the battery and tested the battery...yup...dying battery. Next time, put the sensor lower... closer to your level...on a wall...not on a high ceiling. Just my 2 cents.

So glad you didn't fall from your perch at that time of the morning. I bet the ER would have been entertained.

redchuckstress said...

I have had that happen too and the noise just can't make you think straight.

DomestiKook said...

Okay, I'm laughing my ass of right now. I do thank you kindly for the visual. Why didn't you stand on a table or a dresser? Or have him gouge the damn thing with a broom handle? The broom and the mop taped together? (experience speaking there!)Merry Christmas and be sure to give your new shiney ladder an appropriate, and possibly heroic name, you never know when it might save you in the future!

Domesticrazy said...

Last night my bowl of marbles fell off the back of the toilet, waking John up from a sound sleep. He elbowed me in the face, said "WHAT?! OK! HUH?!" and then got out of bed and looked around like a deer in headlights. I'll take that any day of the week to on top of shoulders on top of a piece of furniture. Too shaky!

Hope you sleep better tonight!

HollyLynne said...

Wow, AWESOME suggestions here! :D I forgot to mention that our alarms are electric and hardwired into the ceiling. I wasn't thinking that clearly, but I did know that we'd need to actually unscrew and unplug the unit (THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG!) to get the thing to shut up. Also, joys of home ownership, the LAST thing I wanted to do was to pay an electrician to come fix the damn thing in the event we broke it! As for "why didn't we just stand on something taller", I've got nothin'. :)

Laura said...

I can honestly say that I've never really had a Christmas present quite like that before! *LOL*

Why do things like that always seem to happen in the middle of the night? Seriously, you know, how about over dinner or maybe on a weekend:daytime? But 5 a.m.? ouch.

Carolyn Michelle said...

Oh wow, best mental image I've had in a long time. Haha. Thanks for the entertainment.
-Carolyn Michelle